As 2014 draws to a close in 66 minutes time I thought to close the year with what is becoming an increasingly rare appearance by me on this site. For this review, I have reflected about why this is true, since this was supposed to be my spot for reflecting and clarifying my thoughts about my life. Sadly, I have reverted to the inane games to be found on Facebook although, to give myself credit, I do not burn away my hours in idle chat there, and liking everything that my family members, acquaintances and friends post about their lives.
I have come to the realization though that while I do reflect about my life, I have fallen out of the habit of recording my thoughts here. The reason that THAT is something that has given me pause. I will not discuss that here at this time, but suffice it to say that I have come to the conclusion that my words need not be beautiful nor my thoughts profound for them to have merit enough for me to record them here.
I have had a rough year in which I have had to give thanks that my home did not burn down despite the phenomenally bad job that I got from the man who installed my solar system and who then died, leaving me with a bill for repairs and no recourse since I will not be harassing his widow and children for a refund of my money. Unbelievably, I had to give thanks, again, for the lack of flames and that my family and I were not electrocuted when the water began to seep from my walls through the telephone, rather than the electricity sockets after the pipes burst under our home. I have had to comfort myself that I am losing weight since I have been without my car since August. I give thanks that I have a job that pays most of my bills, despite the fact that I am unhappy in it. I have had to give thanks that although the workman carried me down I was able to afford to build a higher fence on my property after my neighbour advised my sister that he had had to chase thieves from our yard on several occasions.
The truth is that at some point I had to tell myself that I would stop thinking of 2014 as having been a rough year, a bad year for my family and me, and indeed for most persons in Jamaica. True, six family members have died this year, and several others, including me have fallen ill as a result of the lingering Chik-V malady. As I type this, I fear that a recurrence of the virus is upon me, but I’ve chosen to give thanks that I can still type this year in review message, and that none of the deaths has been of my beloved sister.
I want to mark the moment when 2014 gives way to a bright, shiny New Year in which I work on learning to forgive myself for the opportunities missed and the foolishness done in an effort to avoid doing my best in every single situation that I encounter. I want to mark the moment when I become serious about forgiving others for the petty slights and perceived injustices that they have perpetrated on me. I want to mark the moment when I give up my worry and fear, when I embrace the path that God has chosen for me. I want to be a better person and to accept my blessings, counting them instead of my misfortunes.
I am not someone to list New Year’s resolutions… I do that on my birthday instead, but, this year is different. This year has marked a turning point when I have decided, chosen to be well and so if I do have a resolution, it would be that 2015 will be the year when I become healthy again. My reflections as I lay in bed, first with Chik-V and then with a cold that would not leave even after two weeks – truly a rarity for me – demands this of me.
My decision is made, I have decided to move away from the fork in the road. I am choosing a path and with God’s help, I will write in my Year in Review 2015 on 31 December 2015 that, on reflection, the year exceeded my wildest dreams!
Nantsew ye and Namaste.