Heather Headley medley
I have been more than a little reflective during this Easter season. Though this may seem a bit morbid, for me it is a good thing that I have had these reflections, since I didn’t “give up” anything during Lent this year. Oh, I did start my vegan fast as usual, but the feelings of resentment at having to do it gave me pause, and so that became the first thing that I had to reflect upon after I gave it up…It’s ironic, isn’t it, that that was what I “gave up” for Lent.
I have realized many things during my “Easter holiday”: my time of freedom from the expectations and sense of obligation that even I have placed upon myself about what my conduct ought to be. I am here today because I realize that some of these epiphanies are potentially life-altering and so unwittingly I have fulfilled the purpose of my annual fast during Lent this year.
The first thing that I have come to understand more clearly is that having faith in the salvation provided through the blood of Jesus Christ is not the same as the magical thinking of the Law of Attraction. This realization came to me only this evening, as I typed this journal entry. That said, it has filled the gap left after I abandoned my vision board when I realized that I was going after magical thinking in trying to attract my ideal life to me.
Now I’m not saying that there is no Law of Attraction and that we cannot attract things into our lives through positive (or negative for that matter) thinking. I couldn’t say this since I have managed to do both myself. What I am saying is that it is different from choosing to walk with Jesus regardless of the lack of riches in this life.
The seeds of this epiphany came to me after mentioning to a colleague, my use of the Touched By An Angel re-runs to help me to regulate my moods. Her comment that she found the programme depressing helped to deepen the funk into which I had slipped after giving up my reliance on the promise of my vision board several weeks earlier.
That is, in itself, not a bad thing either since she triggered the revisiting of the inner discourse about why I was so resentful about fasting during Easter in the first place. I realized that I was both disappointed in, and angry with, God for not operating according to the Laws of Attraction, and bestowing on me all the things that I feel that I need in order to experience my ideal life.
I had to remind myself that God is not a malfunctioning ATM machine. He will not move the forces of the universe and spew out miracles for me on demand. They happen naturally, and are common occurrences, but I could not exercise a sense of entitlement to them simply because I call myself a Christian. The Law of Attraction is an exercise in MY will; having faith in the Lord Jesus. and in God, is saying that THY will be done.
Relying upon the Holy Spirit to guide me in making sound decisions about my actions and my future, and taking whatever comes is the essence of faith. I may or may not end up having children, or that nice house down the road or the career that I desire, but what I will have is the spiritual gift of holiness that I had coveted when I first became a Christian.
The reflection that this is much more than enough for me tells me that the Lenten Season was an exceptional success for me this year. I may not have fasted, but I have exercised moderation and revitalized my spiritual discipline. I have repented of my faith in the Law of Attraction rather than in Jesus Christ; and oddly enough, this is the first year in a VERY long time that I have been able to even look at an image of the crucifixion. Again, do not misunderstand me, I still abhor the thought of the execution of an innocent man, but I am able again to see this for what it is meant to symbolize, and I no longer find that abhorrent.