Leaving Resentment Behind

Ghost Ship "Duppy"

Ghost Ship “Duppy”

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At Home

24 April 2014

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Hi everyone,

Just checking in…I hope that all is well with you and yours.

I have something to share and even as I type this I am not sure that it will find its way into this blog permanentlt, though I’ll have to see how things go.  Yesterday, I was in the bookshop at UWI and saw a lady sitting there conducting two transactions.  She seemed a bit dotty to me; the sort of thing that I usually chalk up to “age”.  In any event, I found myself being a bit sorry for her, but ignored her as I have always done since the day she shouted at me for parking in the parking lot of her office even though I had gone there, on my boss’ instructions to share an opportunity that had arisen for the university through funds donated by the Gates Foundation.

Then as I got into my car she called out to me and asked me where I was headed.  She tried to explain where she wished to go (she didn’t seem to remember the name of the department in which she worked), but eventually I offered to give her a lift to her office.  She got out of the car, thanked me for the lift and for telling her that her zip was down and that she needed to fix her clothing.

As I drove away I remember thinking about the fact that I have had borne a resentment toward this woman for years.  It was clear to me that she recognized me from being around the university, but that she did not remember that particular incident.  It caused me to wonder why it was that I was resentful toward her, and to realize that I walk around the place nursing many slights and offenses and that I should probably put them down now and just find peace in this life.  I found myself talking to God and asking Him if I could just start over in life.  Just put down every single bit of resentment and anger, regardless of the source and just start over.

 I realized also that this is part of my Easter reflection that I’ve been doing.  I decided on the second day of Lent this year NOT to fast and I have used the time to think about Jesus… really think about what he symbolizes instead of just doing something that has made me increasingly resentful over the years.  I have found it a very productive experience since by reflecting on myself for a change through the lens of Easter I have walked away with some insight into my motivations throughout the rest of the year.  The truth is that there are MANY people who have been unkind to me and some have descended into telling outright lies and other things for which they will have to answer to God.  My thought was that if they are going to answer to God then why should they answer to me also?  I just need to put things down.

I am not sure if I will be able to do so, but as I went about my life last evening and as I have awakened this morning, I am at peace, I am more optimistic about my future.  I think that I’ve matured overnight.

(((GRIN)))

 

 

About Gabrielle Burns

I am a Jamaican at play here in this vast playground in cyberspace....Yes, at times I do like to live dangerously, but I AM also working hard at becoming more interesting by the day... :)
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