I’ve been away for nearly a month, and, sad to say, not even I noticed that fact. Despite my promise to myself to remain active here, I’ve been busy doing other things. I began the year with so much hope, and although that star has already twinkled badly it hasn’t gone out entirely. I re-discovered my joy only yesterday: my hope and resolve not to allow opportunity to watch me pass by. So, despite the crush, I’m going to do what I’ve been learning from Oprah and Brene Brown this week, and lean into the discomfort so that I can experience life fully. In that regard, being away has been a good thing for me.
I am overwhelmed by the amount of work that I have to do for work and school. Having to plan and execute three pieces of research for my courses, teach two classes along with two tutorials, plan a conference and do the soul-sucking office work that earns me the bulk of my income, not to mention pay attention to my home and my family is enough to make me fantasize about running away…daily. However, I am now convinced that this is no reason for me to freeze, and become numb to my fear. I have survived on the adrenaline highs of this life, and although I no longer want to live that way, I must confess to myself that I will not feel the joy of excitement, or of achievement, if I allow myself to be overtaken by this monster.
I began this year yearning for a more wholehearted lifestyle. I am proud to think that I had reached for this even before seeing Oprah and Brene’s e-course being advertised. I’m proud to think that I was telling my students yesterday, the things that I heard Warren Buffett and Bill Gates telling their students this morning on YouTube! This tells me that despite the way I may feel sometimes, I DO walk in the company of giants!
So, while I don’t know for sure when my next entry on this blog will be, I am quite sure that I’m back on track now. Jamaica might be small, and have more than her fair share of social problems, but I’ve made up my mind to entrench myself here and make the best of things.
Today marks another epiphany: I can merge my interests here on this site. My wholehearted living work, and my school work, and my joy on the soon to be defunct, YoVille… I can consolidate it all here. Perhaps when that process is done, I will no longer feel so out of control, and being away won’t seem so abandoning of my new resolve.